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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22588267">I´m a Liability</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/choooselove/pseuds/choooselove'>choooselove</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>One Direction (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Depressed Harry, Hopeful Ending (kind of), Insecurity, London, Loneliness, Lonely Harry, M/M, One Shot, Sad Harry, Short One Shot, Short character interaction, Song Reference, but only briefly, no character interaction, self-destructive thoughts, short fic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 13:22:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>988</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22588267</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/choooselove/pseuds/choooselove</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry´s fears are confirmed another time. He accepts it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I´m a Liability</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So, this fic is kind of inspired by Lorde´s song "Liability". This is overall really sad, but it´s been in my head for a very long time and I really needed to get it out. Whoever might read this, have fun, be hopeful. This is my first one by the way, so please be nice!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The night was rainy as it flew by outside the steamy car window. No storm yet, but a soft, drizzling rain pladding against the curb, making the lampost´s lights look blurry. Harry watched. The city always appeared unreal to him, but right now, it seemed as if he never lived here. London was a mystery. Like the people he met, today no exception. The man on the other side of the backseat had voiced the same thought earlier, and Harry smiled at the memory. The man was quiet, just looking to the left, at the passing streets, like Harry himself. It had been a quite nice date, Harry thought. The guy was handsome; tall, dark-haired, certainly a good company. Everytime he had looked at him, his breath had stuck a little and he had turned slightly red. Maybe they could go out again anytime soon? Harry really wanted to ask him. </p><p>When he finally mustered the confidence to speak, the taxi came to a halt. The man cleared his throat and turned his body towards Harry, giving him a smile. He returned it awkwardly; such situations weren´t necessarily the most comfortable.<br/>
"So", his companion spoke, "Harry…it was nice meeting you, had a couple of great laughs with you. I appreciate that."<br/>
He chuckled nervously. Harry didn´t move. He just looked at him. The man seemed uncomfortable with that, looking everywhere but into his eyes. He continued.<br/>
"Well, yeah, it was nice, but…but I just don´t really think we, like, fit together? I mean, you´re cool and stuff, but…"<br/>
He laughed again, breaking the sentence. </p><p>Harry didn´t realise what he said, he didn´t really get it. What? Hadn´t it been two beautiful evenings, just the two of them? Wasn´t he attached at least a little bit? How could that be? He felt his eyes growing bigger and the not unfamiliar lump forming in his throat, and he tried to breathe around it. Why again?<br/>
"Wh…why?", he asked quietly, looking down at his lap. The man sighed.<br/>
"Hey, no offense, but do you really want to know? I just honestly feel like we aren´t on the same page with…everything. I think…yeah, sorry, but I think you´re kinda stuck in your head and, like, a bit too out of it, I guess? And I mean, your confidence is on low levels, it´s not funny anymore, like, no offense. But you´re just kida not my type, sorry mate. Can´t be right all the time, innit?"</p><p>He laughed. "Alright buddy, see ya. Get home safely." He payed the driver and closed the door with a last "bye!", and Harry was alone.</p><p>The slam had something irrevocable to it. Harry tried to keep his mind blank. Imagining an empty field of snow inside his head. But unfortunately, his thoughts wandered. To today´s evening and so many evenings before. Nobody had ever wanted to get to know him. He understood, though. He was exiting at first, an excentric nerd with a thrilling aura, but then everything just seemed to fade away until his true personality showed. An awkward, insecure, crazy guy, but not crazy enough to not be boring. Yes, they are bored, and then they leave. He knew that. But it didn´t keep the tears from rolling down his cheeks, didn´t keep him from sobbing pitifully into his hands, sobs that shook his whole body. The sleeves of his posh suit, pink and green, were already wet.</p><p>"Sir?"</p><p>Harry flinched. </p><p>"You have to get out", the driver said. </p><p>"Yes", Harry murmured harshly, "sorry". Slowly, he reached for the handle. The wheels screeched as the car left as soon as Harry was standing outside. For a couple of minutes he continued to stare into the dark, gaze pausing here and there for some moments. He felt tired, so he turned, heading for home. The walk was exhausting. His heart ached badly, because he didn´t want to be alone all the time. But maybe this was how it was supposed to be. Maybe he didn´t deserve to have someone around. Or to have a close friend, somebody to talk to in honesty. It was unfair. But it was what it was. And if it was his fate, he had no choice but to accept it. And he hated it. He hated that he was like this. </p><p>Some people passed his way at this godless hour, hurrying, glancing at their watches. Some junkies stumbled past him. He flinched at them all. Burying his nose deeper into the wool scarf, he rounded the corner leading to Baker Street. Another stranger hurried into the opposite direction, wrapped up in a long coat, hands buried inside his pockets, his hair brown and tousled. Harry discerned everything within a split second, noticing the way the stranger´s hair fell into his face, the way he squinted his eyes against the wind. As they passed, the stranger looked up, directly into Harry´s eyes. His were blue in the light of the street lamp, blue like the ocean on a summer day. And they didn´t flicker away. They stayed locked, and the stranger turned his head while walking by, gaze never leaving Harry. And for two heartbeats, Harry stared back at him, at his beautiful face. Then it was over, and Harry found himself in front of his door. The night was surreal, if he thought about it.<br/>
As he wrapped himself up in a warm blanket, he thought that maybe he was a little too much for everyone. A little too heavy. But that was alright if that meant he was strong. In the end, they´re gonna watch him disappear into the sun. Alone. He closed his eyes. That night, his dreams had the colour of the raw pacific ocean on a stormy summer day.</p>
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